Lip Gymnastics

Some have asked about this claim on my biog page, so here's the lowdown on this enthralling, enjoyable, and happiness-spreading activity which costs little and benefits all who try it.

Lip gymnastics is a skill to do with the lips. If you've never been kissed by a practitioner, then you may not know what you have missed. Those who have, rave about it. Oh yes.

The basic limbering-up exercises include:

• Mini Pucker, Semi Pucker, Standard Pucker, Extreme Pucker

• The Ripple Effect

• Basic Moistening, Advanced Moistening, Graduate Moistening,

     Ultra Moistening,

• Smacking

• The Pout, The Extended Pout, The Extreme Pout (with crossed

    oak leaves)

• Eyelid syncronisation

• Quivering

• Embouchure (a very popular move with the ladies, I can tell you)

• Reverse Pout, Triple Lutz with toe loops (oh, no that's something else)

• Forward 3/4 twist with 3 revolutions piked (no wait I'm getting all muddled here)

• The Auntie (discrete lack of passion)

• The Raspberry

• Mmmmoomiemarmiemeemiemarmymoomie (as encouraged by choir practice)

For further details, apply www.lipsakimbo.org and brace yourself for an experience.