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My Sweet Lard

Lying in bed, feeling slim but wondering about what to eat today, a song came onto the radio and suddenly I was feeling slightly creative, slightly hungry and slightly whimsical.

So here is the anthem of us fat boys who know exactly what we want, except we don't really, because there's other things we want, but we're not sure what we want the most and so we enter into this sort of mental gymnastics every time the thought of food crosses our minds. It's a battle, folks! Thanks to George Harrison, and equal lack of respect to Hare Rama and Harry Ramsden. And please don't get stressed that when I should be saying Hallelujah I'm replacing this with LighterLife Yeah, as it's all whimsy anyway.

Yes, it's deliberately confused between talking to your belly (lard) and desiring fried food (cooked in lard). But it does have a relatively happy ending, despite the dangerous desires.

My sweet lard

Hm, my lard

Hm, my lard

I really want to flee you

(don’t) Really want to be with you

Really want to lose you lard

But it takes so long, my lard

My sweet lard

Hate my lard

Hm, my lard

Don’t really want to know you

Really want to go from you

Really want to show you lard

That I can be strong, my lard (LighterLife yeah)

My sweet lard (LighterLife yeah)

Lose the lard (LighterLife yeah)

My sweet lard (LighterLife yeah)

I really want to flee you

(don’t) Really want to see you

(don’t) Really want to see you, lard

Never want to see you, lard

So I will be strong, my lard (LighterLife yeah)

My sweet lard (LighterLife yeah)

Begone my lard (LighterLife yeah)

No, no, no lard (LighterLife yeah)

I really want to lose you (LighterLife yeah)

Really want to go for you (LighterLife yeah)

Really want to show you lard (aaah)

That I shall be strong, my lard (LighterLife yeah)

Hmm (LighterLife yeah)

I’ll cheat lard (LighterLife yeah)

My, my, lard (LighterLife yeah)

Hm, my lard (Have a korma)

No, no, no lard (Fish and chips - yeah)

Oh hm, my sweet lard (crispy crispy)

Oh-uuh-uh (hurry hurry!)

Now, I really want to see you (Harry Ramsden’s)

Really want to be with you (Harry Ramsden’s)

Really want to see you lard (aaah)

But I must be strong, my lard (LighterLife yeah)

Hm, my lard (LighterLife yeah)

Fry, fry, fry lard (have it crispy)

My sweet lard (love it crispy)

My sweet lard (crispy crispy)

My lard (hurry hurry)

Hm, hm (what a charmer)

Hm, hm (cordon bleu)

Hm, hm (just quid pro quo)

Hm, hm (what a charmer)

My sweet lard (subcutaneous fat)

My sweet lard (I feel calmer)

My, my, my lard (I’ll just have three)

My, my, my, my lard (greasy platefuls)

My sweet lard (Harry Ramsden’s)

fade:

(have it crispy)

My sweet lard (hot and crispy)

Go my lard (thin & whispy)

My lard (soup: Thai Chilli)